Forgive me, Father.

I had my quiet time for the first time in about three days and I would like to share with you what I wrote in my journal:

Lord God,

I have sinned against You. For the past two, maybe even three, days I have allowed other things, useless things, to take Your place in my sight. I worshipped my selfishness and I disobeyed You. I ignored You. Only now do I realize how disgusting my attitude and state of being is. Forgive me, Father, and have mercy on my soul. Give me a clean heart, O God.

Have mercy on me, O God, according to Your steadfast love; according to Your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.
[O God, hear my heart! You know it better than I do, and You know I yearn for You with all my being. Take every part of me, Lord, and make it new. Make me glisten with Your glory, Father, and may Your fingerprints be visible for all to see, that You and You alone may be glorified in me. Make my heart and mind right with Yours. May they be a reflection of You.]
For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. Against You, You only, have I sinned and done what is evil in Your sight, so that You may be justified in Your words and blameless in Your judgement.
[I am humbled in Your presence, Lord; I am broken and fallen to pieces before You. You are great and just; You alone are God, and against the Might One, Creator of all, have I sinned. I am embarassed and ashamed to the point that I cannot bear to be in Your presence. Remove my guilt and shame so that I may live again! Apart from you I am nothing and have no life; I am a useless, withered branch, producing no fruit. (John 15)]
Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me. Behold, You delight in truth in the inward being, and You teach me wisdom in the secret heart.
Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me and I shall be whiter than snow. Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice.
Hide Your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from Your presence, and take not Your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit.-- Psalm 51:1-12
[You know my flesh is weak, Lord, and You know I am helpless on my own. Do not look at my evil deeds; reach out and save me, that I may not drown in them! I need You, O Lord my God, to save me. Forgive me and I will follow You. This is the desire of my heart.]


(Read 2 Chronicles 6:12-42)

I have heard your prayer and have chosen this place for Myself as a house of sacrifice. When I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain, or command the locust to devour the land, or send pestilence among My people, if [you, O daughter,] who are called by My name humble [yourself], and pray and seek My face and turn from your wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive [your] sin and heal [your] land. Now My eyes will be open and My ears attentive to the prayer that is made in this place. For now I have chosen and consecrated this house that My name may be there forever. My eyes and My heart will be there for all time.
[Realize that My eyes have always been on you, child, and you can go nowhere to hide from Me.]
But if you turn aside and forsake My statutes and My commandments that I have set before you, and go serve other gods and worship them, then I will pluck you up from My land that I have given you, and this house, [you], that I have consecrated for My name, I will cast out of My sight, and I will make it a proverb and a byword among all peoples. And at this house, which was exalted, everyone passing by will be astonished and say, 'Why has the LORD done thus to this land and to [her]?' Then they will say, 'Because [she] abandoned the LORD, the God of [her] fathers who brought [her] out of Egypt and laid hold on other gods and worshiped them and served them. Therefore He has brought all this disaster on [her].'" -- 2 Chronicles 7:12-16, 19-20
[This is My word to you, Annita. I am the Lord Almighty. I rule and I reign. I am righteous, faithful and just, abounding in love and mercy. Just as you are not the one exception from My love you are not the one exception from the consequences of leaving the Lord your God. But do not fear, for I am with you if you, and you will find Me if you seek Me (Deuteronomy 4:29), and from My hand no one can pluck you (John 10:27-30). You are the temple that I have consecrated (2 Corinthians 6:16).]

Be gracious to me, O Lord, for to You do I cry all the day. Gladden the soul of Your servant, for to You, O Lord, do I lift of my soul.
For You, O Lord, are good and forgiving, abounding in steadfast love to all who call upon You. Give ear, O Lord, to my prayer; listen to my plea for grace. In the day of my trouble I call upon You, for You answer me.
There is no one like You among the gods, O LORD, nor are there any works like Yours. All the nations You have made shall come and worship You, O LORD, and shall glorify Your name.
[You are so different than any god in this world; so different that You cannot even compare. They are nothing beside You. They are so meaningless that there is not a word on this planet abhorent enough to belittle them. You alone are God.]
For You are great and do wonderous things; You alone are God!
Teach me Your way, O LORD, that I may walk in Your truth;
[I beg You from the deepest part of my heart, Lord, to teach me so that I can honor and glorify You.]
Unite my heart to fear Your name. I give thanks to You, O LORD my God, with my whole heart, and will glorify Your name forever. For great is Your steadfast love toward me,
[an unworthy servant].
You have delivered my soul from the depths of Sheol -- Psalm 86:3-13.

And I pray this in Jesus' mighty name, AMEN.

Le Future

What lies beyond is sometimes as scary as what lies beneath. The future is always a grey, opaque blur that is inscrutable at best, terrifying at worst. Which college should I apply to? Should I go to graduate school now that I’m done? Career paths lie ahead of us in a tangled labyrinth of confusion...which one’s best? The “One” everyone talks about sounds mythical, and exciting. But how would we know when they come around? What if we marry the wrong person in the end? There are so many questions and so little time it seems to answer them before the future pounces on us with its many surprises, good and bad.

While the future is certainly uncertain, we do have certainty in our lives - God’s plan. We know, factually and faithfully, that God has an intricate, infinite plan that is slowly unfolding through time. The famous Romans 8:28 should set our souls at ease. Instead of worrying ineffectively, we should instead be crafting our present in God’s word in order to secure a future that will bring glory and honour to Him. Walking with God every step of the way gives us clarity and direction, confidence and conviction. The hazy mess of future before us will eventually dispel. God’s grace and hand in our lives will gradually and gently illuminate the confusion that paralyzes us, just like sunshine after the rain.

Our future is determined by our present actions, which are not beyond our control. Our spiritual future is eternally more important than our physical future, as what we do with our spirituality will surely outweigh all that will happen here on earth. Thus, if we diligently delve into God’s timeless Word, grow in our relationship with Him, and incorporate what we learn and hear from Him into our lives, we will certainly be walking forward without fear upon golden, sunlit pavements.

When a creation of yours goes wrong, don’t you simply destroy it and start over? Or do you allow it to exist for its own dignity? Do you sink yourself to the level of your creation to salvage it? We usually discard the things that are damaged, throw away the broken, wipe away the wrecked. Only an indescribable love for that creation would keep one from rendering it rubbish. Indescribable love puts that creation among beautiful things, so that it glows and radiates as a result. Indescribable love creates a purpose for that creation where there was none. And naturally, that creation would reach the end of its years…grow tired and old, produce its own demise through its error, but indescribable love is always correcting and rectifying. Indescribable love saves its creation from death. Indescribable love gives everlasting life.

Wednesday September 2nd Action Plan!

Write a list of how your specific sins function to hurt yourself, God, and others, and ultimately serve to disrupt the unity we have between God and His creation (this includes ourselves). Take one specific sin (ex. anger) and do a short writing exercise detailing how the world would prove to be better if this sin did not exist. If you are brave, do a write-up that details what the world is like because of this sin. Compare and contrast.

SIN: JEALOUSY

The effects of this sin:

1)Forsake God and fail to realize His grace
2)Fail to realize that you do not possess anything
3)Makes you feel bitter inside
4)Harbour animosity
5)Forget about how much you may love the person you are jealous of (if you are jealous of a family member or friend)
6)Forget that the person you are jealous of is a special creation of God's that He loves and blesses just like you
7)Forget your own blessings
8)Break unity and oneness with God and His creation
9)Become separated from God
10)Has led to all kinds of evil (murder, etc)
11)Act and think in darkness
12)Spiritual blindness (failing to see God and recognize Him in your life)
13)Cannot exercise the fruits of the Spirit(love, patience, gentleness, Galatians 5:22-23)
14)Hurt yourself
15)Fail to encourage others and build them up
16)Fail to realize God's mercy
17)Fail to praise God and rejoice in Him
18)Fail to show love and happiness
19)Show control, selfish ambition, and individualism
20)Not concentrated on God's purpose of winning souls for His kingdom, healing and changing lives
21)Walk based on emotions and self-will rather than God's will
22)Cannot experience God in His fullness
23)Live in lies that are hard to overcome
24)Pride and selfishness

A WORLD WITHOUT JEALOUSY

1)God's will is enacted
2)Lack of pride, experience true humility
3)Show sincere love and happiness
4)Able to encourage and uplift others
5)Experience oneness, unity, and harmony with God and His believers
6)Walk in the fruits of the Spirit
7)Run the race marked out for us
8)Living in light and truth of God
9)Acknowledge and thankful for your own blessings
10)Understand that God has a reason for where you are in life and then can truly be a blessing there
11)Contentment
12)Realize the interconnectivity of life
13)Show that we have died to sin
14)Create a space of Heaven on Earth
15)Show that God's spirit is within us
16)Are a good example and witness to others
17)Show that you truly know and understand God
18)Show that you are God's child and that you belong to Him
19)Reduced amount of snowballing sins (ex. jealously leads to anger, hatred)
20)Deny the self and live for others
21)Actively fighting against evil

COMPARE AND CONTRAST: When we experience jealousy and let it rule our hearts without confronting it, it shows that we do not really know God and that we are blind. We do not praise God for the grace through blessings he has given us and disrupt unity between us, Him, and His creation. We fail to realize that life is interconnected and that we are fighting for one purpose: to win souls to God. We fail to realize that we have done absolutely nothing to deserve what we have and that everything is a gift. We fail to truly love others...and this is a big part of our faith. We must make a commitment to counteract such sins in ourselves and remember what our world is like because of sin and what it would be like without it. =)

-I

Why do I always forget to repent?

I'm sorry that this post again, focuses on what separates us from God--our sin-- but it is through this term --repentance-- that we are reunited with Him.

I've often found that within my prayer time, more often than not, I forget or neglect the importance of repentance. Repentance, however is crucial to who we are as believers. Through repentance we are rejecting the sin in our lives that functions to separate us from God. We are essentially acknowledging our deviation from His will and the divide that sin has caused in dismantling us from His Spirit.

It is important to remember that as believers we are united with Jesus Christ:

"Since we have been united with Him (Jesus Christ) in His death, we will also be raised to life as he was." Romans 6:5

"Don't you realize that your bodies are actually parts of Christ? But the person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him. (19) Don't you realize that your body is the temple of the holy spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God?"
1 Corinthians 8:17, 19

Through Jesus Christ, God adopted us into His own family as His children. (Ephesians 1:5) In short, we are part of God's family and are united with Him in spirit. This fact says a lot about who we are and how we are to behave.

Sin, however, destroys our relationship with God. I am instantly reminded of the earthly relationships we have between friends and family. We know what makes our friends and family tick--what annoys, upsets, and angers them-- because we experience intimate relationships with these people daily and have developed a growing knowledge of their personalities. We know that acting in accordance to the things that upset them functions to fissure the delicate fabric of those relationships.

As believers in Christ, we also develop a growing knowledge of God. We learn about His righteousness and His commands for our lives. We know what He hates and what angers Him. Like our earthy relationships, acting in accordance to what he despises (through sinning) also serves to sever our relationship with Him.

"Everyone who sins is breaking God's law, for all sin is contrary to the law of God." 1 John 3:4

We show that we love our family, friends, and God by honoring them and acting in light of what makes them happy and builds them up.

"But those who obey God's word truly show how completely they love him. That is how we know we are living in Him." 1 John 5

When we REPENT, we therefore agree with God that we are sinners. "For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God's glorious standard." (Romans 3:23) We are acknowledging that we have deviated from unity with Him and initiate the basis within which we are reunited (forgiveness), as we need to repent to be forgiven.

Through repentance, we gain a clearer understanding of how we are separated from God as we are consciously acknowledging what has functioned to separate us from His will. Through this sincere act, we condemn sinful behaviour in ourselves--openly and honestly reject these actions--and reunite ourselves with God. We are consciously asking Him to take us back after we have hurt and separated ourselves from Him.

As our life in Christ is found through the forgiveness of sins, it is therefore important to ask for this forgiveness constantly.

It is IMPORTANT to remember that sin does not only hurt God, but it hurts ourselves and others. We are one with God and His creation. Thus sin has a deeper impact than we may be aware of. Repentance, therefore is extremely important.

Action Plan for Today: Be honest with yourself and God. Write down a list of ways you have deviated away from God (sin) and repent. Write a list of how your specific sins function to hurt yourself, God, and others, and ultimately serve to disrupt the unity we have between God and His creation (this includes ourselves). Take one specific sin (ex. anger) and do a short writing exercise detailing how the world would prove to be better if this sin did not exist. If you are brave, do a write-up that details what the world is like because of this sin. Compare and contrast. Pray that God will give you the strength to let go of sin and make a commitment to store up God's word in your heart to counter sinful attitudes.


I

Accustomed to sin?

I think most of us have become so accustomed to our first selves (our sinful nature) that many times than not, it directs the scopes of our lives. I deal with a variety of issues and in many cases my first instinct is to act out of sin (anger, jealousy, lust, selfishness). It is only after second thought that I am able to try and redirect these emotions and dispel them. Oftentimes, they resurface and I have to submerge them again and again.

Makes one truly think about themselves, hey? We are so geared and driven towards sin (behaviours and attitudes that do not glorify God) that they become so natural within us.

The life of a believer, however, is about continually correcting these attitudes. Nobody said it was easy.

Nobody said that when you become a believer, you will wake up one day and not act on the same sinful impulses you used to. In fact, the life of a believer is a continual battle against these things. It requires action:

"..throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life.." (Ephesians 5:22)
"...let the spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes..." (23)
"...Put on your new nature, created to be like God,--truly righteous and holy." (24)

A few things I figure: One has to consciously reject their sinful nature. For example, when one feels certain emotions and feelings surfacing (fear, doubt, anger, jealously), one has to in a sense "throw it off." This can be done, for instance, by changing your thought process, substituting and replacing these attitudes through meditation of God's word, or even thinking about some of the ways that acting sinfully hurts yourself, others, and God. Counter-acting sin is always a choice.

One's new nature has to be "put on." We are told to put it on because it is not simply there. It does not simply develop when you believe. It is a process. We have to constantly condition ourselves in God's word.

Finally, we have to "let" the spirit work in us. Sometimes I really feel war waging inside of me. My sinful nature and my newfound identity in Christ are in battle. We just have to let go, let go of base emotions and attitudes and clear our heads. It's best, sometimes, to put our heads into a neutral position first before positioning it in one way or another. Once we put our minds into a neutral position, we can then allow it to be filled with God's word. Sometimes, once you have turned head-on into the sphere of sin, it's hard to get yourselves out of that realm. On the other hand, immediately positioning yourself in the direction of God's word while base feelings abound functions to ignore the basis and foundation for His word. In these cases, sometimes the sin reemerges as one is not fully aware nor has dealt with the emotions that underlie their sin.

Example: Oftentimes, I am driven into believing the LIE that things must be good for me, before they are good for others. I dont know if you've ever dealt with people who celebrate your successes ONLY AFTER they have achieved their own. Believe me, I am guilty of this kind of behaviour as well! Sometimes, I may just throw myself into God's word in celebration, doing it because I know it is the right thing to do, without fully dealing with the lie. The lie still remains even though I have temporary given myself over to God in praise of others successes, while still harbouring the "what about me?" syndrome because my situation looks grim.

We must deal with the lies we believe about ourselves, others, and life, in order to fully devote and understand God. Thus, clearing one's head of thoughts and emotions allows a clean template for God's word to thrive in as one can discern the reason behind acting the way they do.

For example, one can clear their thought process and say..."I know I should truly be in praise and happy of this persons' success, despite my "failures" because we are one in Christ and a success for him, is essentially a success for me." We need to learn to divorce ourselves from ourselves and embrace God and oneness with His creation.

It is important to understand that...

Change is a process. It's best to condition yourself. Identify bad emotions, feelings, and actions and make a commitment to actively dispel them. Don't let sin become natural or allow yourself to get away with it.

Action plan for today: Be aware of sin, write them down and follow this up with Bible verses in opposition to them. Memorize those verses so that you can recall them in your mind when you stumble.

--God is always with you.

I