Forgive me, Father.

I had my quiet time for the first time in about three days and I would like to share with you what I wrote in my journal:

Lord God,

I have sinned against You. For the past two, maybe even three, days I have allowed other things, useless things, to take Your place in my sight. I worshipped my selfishness and I disobeyed You. I ignored You. Only now do I realize how disgusting my attitude and state of being is. Forgive me, Father, and have mercy on my soul. Give me a clean heart, O God.

Have mercy on me, O God, according to Your steadfast love; according to Your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.
[O God, hear my heart! You know it better than I do, and You know I yearn for You with all my being. Take every part of me, Lord, and make it new. Make me glisten with Your glory, Father, and may Your fingerprints be visible for all to see, that You and You alone may be glorified in me. Make my heart and mind right with Yours. May they be a reflection of You.]
For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. Against You, You only, have I sinned and done what is evil in Your sight, so that You may be justified in Your words and blameless in Your judgement.
[I am humbled in Your presence, Lord; I am broken and fallen to pieces before You. You are great and just; You alone are God, and against the Might One, Creator of all, have I sinned. I am embarassed and ashamed to the point that I cannot bear to be in Your presence. Remove my guilt and shame so that I may live again! Apart from you I am nothing and have no life; I am a useless, withered branch, producing no fruit. (John 15)]
Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me. Behold, You delight in truth in the inward being, and You teach me wisdom in the secret heart.
Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me and I shall be whiter than snow. Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice.
Hide Your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from Your presence, and take not Your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit.-- Psalm 51:1-12
[You know my flesh is weak, Lord, and You know I am helpless on my own. Do not look at my evil deeds; reach out and save me, that I may not drown in them! I need You, O Lord my God, to save me. Forgive me and I will follow You. This is the desire of my heart.]


(Read 2 Chronicles 6:12-42)

I have heard your prayer and have chosen this place for Myself as a house of sacrifice. When I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain, or command the locust to devour the land, or send pestilence among My people, if [you, O daughter,] who are called by My name humble [yourself], and pray and seek My face and turn from your wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive [your] sin and heal [your] land. Now My eyes will be open and My ears attentive to the prayer that is made in this place. For now I have chosen and consecrated this house that My name may be there forever. My eyes and My heart will be there for all time.
[Realize that My eyes have always been on you, child, and you can go nowhere to hide from Me.]
But if you turn aside and forsake My statutes and My commandments that I have set before you, and go serve other gods and worship them, then I will pluck you up from My land that I have given you, and this house, [you], that I have consecrated for My name, I will cast out of My sight, and I will make it a proverb and a byword among all peoples. And at this house, which was exalted, everyone passing by will be astonished and say, 'Why has the LORD done thus to this land and to [her]?' Then they will say, 'Because [she] abandoned the LORD, the God of [her] fathers who brought [her] out of Egypt and laid hold on other gods and worshiped them and served them. Therefore He has brought all this disaster on [her].'" -- 2 Chronicles 7:12-16, 19-20
[This is My word to you, Annita. I am the Lord Almighty. I rule and I reign. I am righteous, faithful and just, abounding in love and mercy. Just as you are not the one exception from My love you are not the one exception from the consequences of leaving the Lord your God. But do not fear, for I am with you if you, and you will find Me if you seek Me (Deuteronomy 4:29), and from My hand no one can pluck you (John 10:27-30). You are the temple that I have consecrated (2 Corinthians 6:16).]

Be gracious to me, O Lord, for to You do I cry all the day. Gladden the soul of Your servant, for to You, O Lord, do I lift of my soul.
For You, O Lord, are good and forgiving, abounding in steadfast love to all who call upon You. Give ear, O Lord, to my prayer; listen to my plea for grace. In the day of my trouble I call upon You, for You answer me.
There is no one like You among the gods, O LORD, nor are there any works like Yours. All the nations You have made shall come and worship You, O LORD, and shall glorify Your name.
[You are so different than any god in this world; so different that You cannot even compare. They are nothing beside You. They are so meaningless that there is not a word on this planet abhorent enough to belittle them. You alone are God.]
For You are great and do wonderous things; You alone are God!
Teach me Your way, O LORD, that I may walk in Your truth;
[I beg You from the deepest part of my heart, Lord, to teach me so that I can honor and glorify You.]
Unite my heart to fear Your name. I give thanks to You, O LORD my God, with my whole heart, and will glorify Your name forever. For great is Your steadfast love toward me,
[an unworthy servant].
You have delivered my soul from the depths of Sheol -- Psalm 86:3-13.

And I pray this in Jesus' mighty name, AMEN.

Le Future

What lies beyond is sometimes as scary as what lies beneath. The future is always a grey, opaque blur that is inscrutable at best, terrifying at worst. Which college should I apply to? Should I go to graduate school now that I’m done? Career paths lie ahead of us in a tangled labyrinth of confusion...which one’s best? The “One” everyone talks about sounds mythical, and exciting. But how would we know when they come around? What if we marry the wrong person in the end? There are so many questions and so little time it seems to answer them before the future pounces on us with its many surprises, good and bad.

While the future is certainly uncertain, we do have certainty in our lives - God’s plan. We know, factually and faithfully, that God has an intricate, infinite plan that is slowly unfolding through time. The famous Romans 8:28 should set our souls at ease. Instead of worrying ineffectively, we should instead be crafting our present in God’s word in order to secure a future that will bring glory and honour to Him. Walking with God every step of the way gives us clarity and direction, confidence and conviction. The hazy mess of future before us will eventually dispel. God’s grace and hand in our lives will gradually and gently illuminate the confusion that paralyzes us, just like sunshine after the rain.

Our future is determined by our present actions, which are not beyond our control. Our spiritual future is eternally more important than our physical future, as what we do with our spirituality will surely outweigh all that will happen here on earth. Thus, if we diligently delve into God’s timeless Word, grow in our relationship with Him, and incorporate what we learn and hear from Him into our lives, we will certainly be walking forward without fear upon golden, sunlit pavements.